Life in Death
by Ellixer
Summary: Max has to face Logan's actions. Chapter 6 now up!!!!
1. Default Chapter

The show and characters belong to Fox, and Cameron. The story is mine. Hope you like. I was listening to Aaliyah's self titled cd at the time I wrote this. 'I care for you', so it was track 6. Maybe you'll get the feel for this story if you can listen to it. I couldn't have written this story without her songs which belong to her by the way so dont sue. Aaliyah, much love, rest in peace. Hope you enjoy. Oh, and I have to say I hate the whole virus thing, that was stupid. Thank you.  
  
  
The feelings paralyze me, with every thought, and with those eyes. When she was cured for that one moment in time, that eternity of pain when it was gone. When we again had to be separate. How can someone stand up to such an enemy. Just to touch her soft skin again. To feel her lips upon mine. To hold her. How can I show I care, really care without the electric touch. I'm dying inside. How? How can I go on like this. I try to push her away sometimes. But. I can't play games anymore. No more of this. I've made up my mind. My soul will die eventually. I can't take it anymore.  
  
"Logan, what's up?"  
"Hmmm?"  
"You weren't paying attention."  
"I was thinking."  
"About what?"  
"Nothing. Sorry Max, what were you saying?"  
"I was just saying........" He looked at her eyes, that smile. His heart ached and craved her. He couldn't take it anymore. No more.  
"Max." He interrupted her. "Lets go sit down on the couch, ok?" He got up, and Max followed, more than a bit confused.  
"What's up?" She smiled at him. Inwardly he sighed deeply. 'God help me' he thought. He put music on. Aaliyah played softly, I care for you.  
  
Hey my baby  
why you lookin so down  
seems like you need lovin  
baby you need a girl like me  
  
Hey my baby  
tell me why you cry  
here take my hand and  
wipe those tears from your eyes  
  
Can I talk to you  
comfort you  
let you know  
I care for you  
  
Max still smiled. Logan needed her badly. He sat close to her. She scooted away. He got closer. She no longer smiled. He wished they could dance right now. But he had other things on his mind.  
"I want you to close your eyes." She hesitated a moment. Then slowly closed them. Logan closed his eyes for a second reaffirming his decision. When he opened them he knew what he was going to do. His life was nothing without her touch. Her closeness. He lived up to now, so that he could be with her. That is what he was meant to do. Now he had to do something that will change everything. Slowly he leaned forward. "Max I love you." Then slowly he reached up with both hands, and held them inches away from her face. Finally, he grabbed her face with both hands and kissed her deeply, as if he were going to suck the life out of her. He held on and did not let go when she tried to pull away. But she did get away.  
"Logan?" She was breathless, and confused. "Why?" A few tears rolled down her face. He began to convulse, and he couldn't breath. "Logan." She cried. "No. Logan, no."  
Max didn't know what to do, so she called his friend that was a Doctor. He wouldn't make it in time. She knew that. Logan had accepted that long ago.  
"I love you." He choked out as he lay on the floor. Max sat down and put him across her lap. The tears streamed down her face. She held him, and would not let go.   
"I love you too." She tried to stop crying. He reached up and touched her cheek. She grabbed his hand and held it there. Max felt his soul leave. His life end. Her life end. She leaned down and softly kissed his lips. Then laid down next to him, and put her head on his chest, and cried till the Doctor came.  
  
Can I talk to you  
comfort you  
let you know  
I care for you  
Can I talk to you  
comfort you  
let you know  
I care for you  
  
Hey sexy baby  
theres no need to worry  
boy if you call on me  
Ill come  
Ill come  
in a hurry  
  
Can I talk to you  
comfort you  
let you know  
I care for you  
Can I talk to you   
comfort you  
let you know  
I care for you  
  
Hold on  
stay strong  
press on  
I care for you  
Hold on  
stay strong  
press on   
I care for you  
  
Can I talk to you  
comfort you  
Let you know  
I care for you  
  
Well, I guess I could write another chapter. I dont know why I even wrote this, cus Im all about the happy ending. I dont know, something just came over me. Tell me, was this a bad idea, did it really suck? 


	2. Why?

Ok the show and characters belong to Fox and Cameron. Hope this is good. Not sure which way to go with this. So ill just go, and see where I end up. Again I was listening to crouching tiger. Love that cd. So much emotion in the music its inspiring. Track 5 and 13 in a continuos loop. You'd think I'd get tired of them after awhile. If you are a total M/L shipper, then go to the DAS web site and tell them you want M/L not M/A. I beg of you, please do it now or the show will be ruined.  
  
  
The pain is too much. How could he? Why? Why? Lying here in his bed. Smelling his scent on the pillow. He is laying in a hospital on a respirator. Dying? C had said to leave, get some rest. She'll call if there's change. Lucky. So very lucky. He's hanging on by a thread. Where did this get him? How come he couldn't have just talked to her. Tell her his feelings. They could have worked together for a cure. But why this? Her mind raced. Should she leave and never come back? Maybe he'll forget her, and move on. Not likely. What happens now? He dies, he lives, either way things will change. Never be the same. In this dream she had once, her life was one without the virus. She and Logan loved each other, and could express their feelings. They were happy together, in each others arms. Together, happy, touching, talking, silence. She started to cry. What could have been, what should have been. All she could remember were those few precious moments when they had realized their feelings, and those few moments they had together before Joshua came in and ruined their dream. A dream. Maybe this is some sort of nightmare. Her whole life, a nightmare. Until Logan. She loved him sooo much. Every night she wished he could be holding her, kissing her. Every night she wished they could be together. Live together, and die together. She would give anything for a life with Logan as she had dreamed. But then again it was a dream.  
  
"Hey boo."  
"Any change."  
"Nawww, I'm sorry." They hugged. Max cried. Original Cindy had rarely seen Max express this much. Crying was so much. "It's going to be okay." She said softly. "Don't worry boo. Everything will be good in the end." Max stepped away and wiped the tears from her eyes. Standing next to his bed, looking at him, her hand hovered over his.  
"You know, I cant even hold his hand." Her hand moved up to her face. "Everything wont be alright. Nothing has changed. I still cant touch him. Do you know how hard that is?" Her eyes moved from Logan to C. "Do you understand?!" Her head was slightly cocked to one side. Pain rippled across her features. One hand covered half of her face, and she gave a small chuckle. Then she moved her hand away in a wide gesture. "I don't even know if I can handle this anymore. All of this." Her face became angry. "How could he do this to me!? How?" Again, pain showed. "Why C?"  
"I don't know boo." She stepped toward Max, who stepped back, hands up.  
"You know I love him." She said looking at him, though as if in a far off place.  
"I know."  
"I love him so much." She sighed. "I did this to him. It's all my fault."  
"No its not." She tried to get closer to her again, but Max took another step back.  
"I've got to go. I cant stay here." She was shaking her head. "I.....I." She looked up at Cindy. "Tell him I love him." A tear rolled down her cheek. Taking another longing glance at him, she walked out the door.  
"Wait Max don't." She started after her, but stopped knowing she couldn't do anything. She was helpless. Then she looked at Logan. "What have you done?"  
  
  
Well, how was it? I hope it was to your satisfaction. I will be writing more, I think. It's a little short I know, but my stories always seem to be don't they. 


	3. Wanting, needing

Well, hope you enjoy. Maxwell, symptom unknown belongs to him. Put it on repeat.  
  
  
There's an ocean, drained of all it's fish  
took a bath, I just can't get clean  
wonder when you'll show   
if not everything is in-between  
you and I were supposed to grow old  
guess it was a symptom unknown  
  
Life can never be simple, but does it have to be so complicated? If only he had waited. Just a few more days. A few more hours, and all would have been solved. Everything could have changed, be different if only. There was a cure in the works. So close to a cure. Now all of the virus has gone. That is where she went. To get the cure. Those moments after he had kissed her seemed like an eternity ago. Something she wished she could forget, to erase, to rewind and change the vents that unfolded. But she can't. Now, it is the middle of the night. She is standing outside his door. Looking, gazing. The tubes and IV's run all over. The machine beeps. She walks in slowly. Her heart in pain at his appearance. She sits in the chair next to his bed. Her hand hovers over his for a second, as she gazes at his face. Then finally she lay's it softly upon his.  
  
It was a power that knows just how you feel  
we were prone to feel a love not real, oh yeah  
wonder when you'll show  
if not I'm gonna feel what I feel  
you and I were supposed to grow old  
was your symptom unknown  
  
"Logan, I don't know if you can hear me." She sighed. Thought for a second. "I want you to know......." She sighed again. "You didn't have to do it. I'm cured. Heh." A little laugh. Sigh again. "Why? You didn't have to do it. Why?" The tears started to flow. She put one hand on his cheek. "I love you so much. I know we were meant to be together. We are meant to be together. If you love me you'll be all right. Everything will be ok. Just gotta get better. Please Logan. You can't leave me." She put her head upon his chest. "You can't. I'll be all alone. I won't be whole anymore. If you just pull through everything will be all right." She was silent a second. She sniffed, and smiled as she looked at him. "You remember that day I first met you. Dropped right in." She laughed slightly. "I think I knew that day. I knew that somehow we were connected. Something linked us, our souls, our life, our love, our future. Where's my future without you." She kissed his cheek softly, trying to stop the tears, then laid her head on his chest again, and held his hand. "I have no future without you."  
  
Baby some things are told  
you and I were supposed to grow old  
guess it was a symptom unknown  
guess it was the things that you wore  
guess it was the way it was cold  
I guess it was yeah  
  
Cindy watched Max from the corner, where Max didn't notice her. She knew that eventually Max would come back. Her girl loved him. She couldn't help but cry at the desperate plea. Love can make you do crazy things. For Logan, that was taking a risk. For Max, that was emotion. She prayed that Logan would make it. She was afraid that if he didn't, Max would never be the same. Who knows what she would do.  
  
There's a child that used to smile  
there's a man that used to feel his heart  
oh why   
what am I supposed to do without you close  
who am I supposed to try to toast  
no, what am I supposed to do  
ooh   
if you don't show  
if, if you don't show  
  
so I hoped you liked it. Should I have gone with curing the virus or not? not sure bout that one, but I hate the virus anyway. 


	4. A helping hand

Hey my anticipated next chapter. Another song in the fic, can't seem to help myself, if u want me to stop just tell me. Tears, by Rufio. I was looking for a blues song, but I couldn't find one, it would have been so perfect.  
  
"Hey Boo, here's your coffee."  
"Thanks O.C." They sat together in silence on the couch in the room. Max rested her head on O.C.'s shoulder, and gazed at Logan. Three days had passed since she had the virus cured. Six since he went into a coma. An eternity since she heard his voice. "I think I'm gonna go check on Joshua today. See what's up."  
"I can do that."  
"No big dealio. He's probably wonderin where I am."  
"Ok boo, whatever you say."  
"Beep me if anything changes." She got up and walked over to Logan's bed. Bending down she kissed his lips. Touched his cheek, then walked out.  
  
  
i sit and hear you sleep   
i dont want to go   
your there beside me   
but your so far away   
i talk to you   
while your asleep   
you cant hear a word   
you can hear everything   
  
tears are feelings we cant say   
tears mean that you care   
tears are mixed emotions   
tears are more than tears   
  
the pooring rain   
from my eyes   
means to much   
to keep inside   
  
i sit and watch you leave   
my life forever   
i know youll be gone so long   
my last words are nothing   
and i tell you i care   
and nothing more   
i cant say how i feel   
so i cry   
  
tears are feelings we cant say   
tears mean that you care   
tears are mixed emotions   
tears are more than tears   
  
its the light   
behind the shadow   
that sacred face   
behind the mask  
  
"Hey!"  
"Max!"'  
"Sorry, I've been busy so I couldn't come."  
"Joshua miss Max."  
"Look, I brought some food."  
"Fooood." She sat down and watched him eat. Then her thoughts drifted as he talked to her.   
"Hey I'll check on you later, ok?" He grunted something, and she got up and walked out. She walked back to the hosptial.   
The room was slightly dark. She was nervous, unsure. Never done this before, wasn't sure how exactly. She really didn't believe in this sort of thing. But........but she had to do something. The light streamed in through one stained glass window. How does she start? What does she say? She never talked to Him before. Is she supposed to feel something? She neeled down. Looked around. No one was there.   
"Ummm. Ok, how do I start?" She looked up.  
"Just begin with what's on your mind." Max turned and an old woman, in the general attire for this place, stood behind her.  
"I never did this before."  
"Would you like to talk to me. It might be a little easier for you."  
"Umm ok." Max didn't really want to, but she did.  
"Tell me my child. What is bothering you?"  
"My friend. Well he's here, in a coma."  
"And you are afraid he will never wake up?"  
"Yes........."  
"There is something more that troubles you."  
"Yes, it's just that. Well there's so much I have to say, to do, to confess, I need to tell him........"  
"He's more than a friend. You love him."  
"Yes."  
"And what has stopped you from telling him."  
"It's complicated."  
"It's too complicated to talk to him?"  
"Well, something that we couldn't control stopped us from being close."  
"That is not all that matters. Your minds, and your souls could be close. A physical relationship is not all that makes up love."  
"Yes, but......"  
"But you wanted one. That would happen eventually I'm sure. He works in mysterious ways. If it was meant to be, if you want it to be, I'm sure that eventually He will allow it to." She touched Max's hand and smiled. "I hope that I have helped you. But if you have any more questions just talk to him. Tell him anything and everything." The woman stood up. "He will be fine. A new life will start for you." She walked out. Max sighed and looked up. 'The only question I got, is why?'  
  
  
Well, waddcha think, Like it? 


	5. The note

Story is mine, show and characters is Fox's and Cameron's. Listened to Aaliyah, I care for you.  
  
She walked slowly trough his apartment. Looking at everything. Her hand ran along the edge of his desk. There was a folded piece of paper with Max written on it. She hadn't noticed it before. It looked as though it had been crumpled then smoothed again.  
  
  
-Max-  
  
If you are reading this now, then I really did do it. The unthinkable. Maybe you don't understand why. I will attempt to the best of my ability to explain. And hope you don't hate me for doing this.  
The first time I saw you, I knew you were different. Not genetically engineered, though I figured something was up. No. I knew you were different in another way. You are not the same as other girls. Other women. You would not hurt me, like so many others, unless it was necessary. You stole my heart at first glance. You mean everything to me. More than words can say. More than I have expressed to you. I admit, when times got hard, I did not always stand by you. But, if you needed me I would be there. It became so hard not to touch you. So hard, not to feel you. Every time I saw you, I needed you, but we could not be. Each day became harder and harder. My heart was torn into tiny pieces every second I was not with you, and every time I could not touch you. The world is a crazy messed up place, and you balanced everything for me. You became the pillar upon which I could lean. So one day it became necessary. I had to do it. I had to touch you, to make sure it was all real. To feel you. The indescribable joy of just feeling your skin upon mine. It's crazy, I know. The silent tears that flowed like a river could not ease the pain. Love can make you do crazy things. Life is not worth living without you. You have to understand that Max. I love you. No matter what happens. I will always love you. I hoped that one day you would have my child. You would be a great mother. A great wife. My soulmate forever, in life and death. Goodbye sweet angel.  
  
Beep, beep, beep. She ran to the phone, wiping the tears from her eyes.  
"Hey whats up?"  
"Boo......he's awake."  
  
So, good? I really hope so. 


	6. Confrontation

Listened to 'the One' from the DA soundtrack, hehe, haven't stopped listening to it yet.  
  
The doors to the hospital slid open as she came running up to them. She slowed for a second so that they would open wide enough, then she ran through them. A nurse yelled something at her, she did not pay attention. She didn't stop running till she neared his room, then she stopped and stood there. Fear, doubt, uneasiness rippled through her. Her breath seemed loud in her ears, as did each beat of her heart. This moment she had been waiting for, she had been waiting for this a long time. Almost an eternity it seemed. And now that it had come, she was frozen. 'Ok Max, let's do this.' She took a deep breath and walked into the room. Everything became slow motion. As Max strode into the room O.C. turned where she had been standing, blocking Max's view of Logan. A smile spread on O.C.'s face. She said something. Max was looking down at Logan, as she got closer and closer. His head slowly turned till he looked into her eyes.  
"Max." Finally she allowed herself to smile.  
"Hey."  
"Hey yourself.  
"How ya feelin?"  
"Not too bad considering the circumstances." The smile faded from her face.  
"The doc said he'll be good as new in no time." O.C. said still smiling.  
"Yes." Logan agreed still looking at Max, a little concerned about her reaction. Max stood near his bed, but not close. She was unsure of what to do or say. All she could do was look at him. "Didn't think I'd make it."  
"We never gave up."  
"Yeah, well I made it."  
"Yes."  
"Eye's Only has probably needed me, I need to get out of here so I can get back to work."  
"Yeah."  
"Hey, I'll let ya'll talk." O.C. started to walk out.  
"No." Max said stopping her. She continued to look at Logan. "That's ok. I've got some work to do, I'll see ya later." Her voice was tinted with anger. She turned and strided out. Max couldn't believe she had been so stupid. She should have never loved him.  
  
"What was all that about?"  
"Did you go blind while you were in a coma? You need to get over yourself boo, cus my girl aint gonna wait forever." O.C. walked out of the room after Max, leaving Logan confused.  
"Boo wait up."  
"I can't believe it, I'm so stupid."  
"No Max."  
"Than what was that?"  
"Look girl, he's been in a coma. Give him a little time. Just relax."  
"But I thought......"  
"It's ok boo. He'll come around, you'll see."  
"Yeah. I gotta go." Turning quickly she started walking out of the hospital, then she started running, till she was outside in the rain. It felt good. Closing her eyes, Max lifted her head up to the sky, letting the cool drops hit her face.  
  
  
"I thought you were supposed to be smart?"  
"What?"  
"Max has been sitting by your side everyday. My girl don't do that for everybody."  
"Look, it's complicated."  
"Your the only one making it complicated. From the beginning it's been all you."  
"You don't know what you're talking about."  
"Aiight. Maybe I don't. But Max does. She'll be back. When she does come back I think you need to be real with her."  
"How long have I been in a coma?"  
"Too long."  
  
  
The hospital was still and quiet. She walked down the hall slowly, quietly. She came back. Of course she came back. Always did. Max opened the door to his room slowly, peering in. He was sleeping. A little light above his head provided a little light. The machine beeped. She could hear her steady breathing as she creeped over to the side of his bed. She sat down in the chair next to the bed. Max was reminded of the night she had come here, and talked to him, after she had been cured. He still doesn't know. Slowly her hand reached over for his and rested upon it. Maybe he had changed his mind, his feelings for her. Maybe he really didn't love her. All she could do was close her eyes and lay her head down upon the bed. Max didn't want to lose him, not again, but....... She had a dream, and the two of them were dancing.  
  
  
Ray's of sunlight inched themselves onto his face, warming it, and waking him up. He had dreamed of Max during the night. He sighed. Then he noticed something was on his hand. Looking down he saw Max sleeping, her hand resting on his. Her skin to his. Moving his hand he squeezed hers lightly. Just to hold it. He smiled as she began to wake up.  
'Hey.' He said, a grin plastered on his face. She turned her head and sat up, looking at him.  
'Hey.' She pulled her hand away. His smile faded.  
'I noticed you were touching me.'  
'Yeah, I'm cured.'  
'When did that happen?'  
'If you had bothered to wait....... after you went into the coma.'  
'Why didn't you tell me before?'  
'Why does it matter.' It was more of a statement rather than a question.  
'What?'  
'You couldn't even wait. You had to go and try to kill yourself, using me.'  
'I wasn't trying to kill myself.'  
'Then what was it?'  
'I......I just.'  
'Just what Logan?'  
'I just needed to touch you.'  
'That's a pretty stupid reason.'  
'You don't understand.'  
'Understand?! How can I not understand. I'm going through the same thing as you are. All you had to do was talk to me Logan.'  
'I couldn't.'  
'Why not. You could commit suicide.'  
'I was trying to kill myself.'  
'Then what was with the note?'  
'Note?'  
'Yes I read it.'  
'I though I threw that away. Look I .."  
'No Logan. Tell me the truth'  
'Max, the note was just in case I died. I wasn't planning on it though.'  
'Oh, so you touch me. I thought that would kill you, but that's just me I guess.'  
'I'm sorry, I needed to kiss you, to touch you.'  
'Do you know how it killed me inside to watch you dying there on the floor. If you needed me so much why didn't you tell me?'  
'I tried to, it was just too hard.'  
'Too hard?!'  
'You never said anything to me either." She looked at him. Thoughts raced through her mind.  
'I love you Logan. I love you so much. I don't want to lose you again, but..........' She sighed. 'But you shouldn't have done this.'  
'I love you too Max.'  
'You don't show someone you love them by trying to kill yourself.' She stood up. 'You don't know how much you hurt me.' She walked around the bed, and started towards the door, but stopped herself. Slowly she walked back towards him. A few tears dropped from her cheeks. Max put her hand on the side of his face, then bent down and kissed him softly on the lips. Finally she turned back around and walked out of the room.  
'Max! MAX!' He threw the blanket off, and pulled out the IV's and other wires attached to him. Crawling out of the bed he stumbled out into the hall, looking for Max.  
'MAX!!' She didn't turn around. Two nurses ran up to him.  
'Sir, you need to get back in bed.'  
'MAX!!!' She disappeared around the corner. The nurses pulled him back into his room with some effort.  
  
  
'She left.'  
'I'm sure she'll be back.'  
'I don't know.'  
'She'll get over it boo.'  
'I didn't know.'  
'What, that she loved you? You gotta be blind not to see it. You gotta understand, you have loved before, Max hasn't. You the only guy she's ever loved, and feelings aren't her thing. She can't express things like we can. You know that.'  
'I guess I was being selfish.'  
'You got that right boo.'  
'How do I get her back?'  
'You can start by getting out of this place.'  
  
Hope you like. I wrote this in english class, cus I was bored. 


End file.
